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The Best Day Ever.

Last Thursday was rainy.
It was rainy when I went to class at 9. It was rainy as I walked by the windows in the tunnel to Murphy Hall at 10. It was rainy when I moved Stella for my next class (Stella is my bike. I always refer to her as Stella, unless to someone who would have no idea as to what I'm referring.) at 12. Pouring, really. I walked Stella from one side of Ford to the opposite side of Murphy. I was outside less than 5 minutes and was already very wet. Not damp, wet. It was rainy as I left that class at 2. More than rainy. Definitely pouring this time.
I tried my best to fold up my seriously impractical but awesome bag I usually bring to class so as not to ruin its contents, bungeed it into Stella's basket, put my shower-cap-turned-bike-seat-cover on, and headed home.
I was pretty much drenched by the time I got to University. While I never really avoid puddles with Stella (those fenders are super handy, let me tell you), at this point I started trying to go through really deep looking puddles.
Dripping wet, I biked down the streets, grinning like a crazy person, listening to Billy Joel on my iPod.
About a block from my apartment, I realized I should not be listening to Billy Joel, but rather the Garden State  soundtrack (I cannot recommend this enough. Excellent, excellent music. Not a score, don't worry) because I felt/looked just like Large, Sam, and Mark when they visit the guy at the abyss thing.
Mark (Peter Sarsgaard), Sam (Natalie Portman) and Largeman (Zach Braff) manage to keep the humour dry.
Biking in the rain, letting myself get just totally couldn't-get-more-wet drenched, was one of the most fantastic, liberating things I have done in as long as I can think of. I had to dry off my body after I took my literally dripping wet clothes off, with the exception only of my socks (I have rainboots, duh). I feel like days like that need to happen more often.
Maybe next time, with large machinery and/or an abyss.

garden_state_poster.png image by skiddomarks
If you haven't seen this movie, please do so at your earliest convenience. It's one of my all time favorites. I have it. I'll lend it to you. Or watch it with you, more likely. Just watch it.

Fact: Natalie Portman's character Sam is probably my favorite character from anything ever.

The Shipping News

Fairly recently, I started using instead of Pandora, mostly because I can listen to what it recommends for me based on everything I listen to already, which is fantastic. It plays me a lot of soundtracks, in addition to other music. I am very excited about this soundtrack thing though. Honestly, movie music is so important. Sometimes after hearing the music I want to see the movie based solely on how the music sounds, the emotions it portrays, and so on. Anyway, I usually turn on my recommended music at, then bring up other pages and don't pay too much attention to the page unless I really, really like whatever's playing and want to know more about it. I've caught myself looking at many songs from the movie The Shipping News. I kept thinking that this title was familiar, but for some reason I didn't really feel like I'd seen it.

Today, after looking and again having it be a song from The Shipping News, I decided I should at least check on Amazon to see if I could buy it. Unfortunately, it's around $30 on Amazon and I cannot even find it anywhere else - eBay, the library, B&N, iTunes - which is super disappointing. After seeing the thumbnail of the album, however, I realized that even the cover looked very familiar. Naturally I had to investigate.

It turns out I DID see this movie! I believe my family rented it from our library a few years ago. I remembered certain scenes/images that stood out in my mind from the movie. Certain images, certain characters stood out in my mind. I really don't remember the plot, though. Maybe I should try to see it again?
THIS MORTAL QUOYLE Moore\'s not the merrier for Spacey\'s widower in \'\'News\'\' | The Shipping News, Kevin Spacey
This movie's soundtrack is definitely added to my list of soundtracks I wish I owned. It's apparently going to be much more of a quest than the others on the list, but will definitely be worth it if I ever do find it. (For under $30!)

Has anyone seen this movie?


Candle Fail

So I have this candle:
It smells DELICIOUS if I smell the actual candle when it isn't lit. Seriously, it smells very much like Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Lattes. The problem is, when I light it, the room doesn't end up smelling like Pumpkin Spice. It doesn't change the smell at all. It's so disappointing. 

This candle is really, really small. I think it cost $2.99 at Target. 
Anyway, the point is...can anyone recommend a delicious smelling candle that actually smells more than just right in the jar? 


This is not a blog about cutting straws.

The day after the crazy drama explosion happened at work this summer, I had to go back there and continue working. From the moment it blew up and continuing through at least the next few days, I had this incessant pain in my chest. It was strong; it didn't fade when I took deep breaths, when I tried to distract myself in my music, in my job duties. It didn't fade during breaks. It did not fade until after I got home, but even then it still took a little while, it took time to process out of that mode and into relaxed mode. I was so anxious to even be near these awful people who had said and done awful things to the people I'd made friends with. It was as though being around them, I could feel this extreme dislike, this awkwardness, oozing out of them. Wafting towards me. Even when I was drowning out their voices in my music and concentrating on doing my work faster than ever so I wouldn't have to look at their faces. It still hurt in my chest. 

That was the first time I had ever experienced a feeling like that. This extreme anxiety. This knowing that I am around people who I can't stand to be around, and that they clearly can't stand me either. It was terrible. 

Today, I felt that chest pain again. Not as severely, but it's definitely there. I still feel it now, as I'm writing this. It didn't start right away. I think because I didn't go into it worrying, as I did this summer. Then, I knew what I was diving back into. Here, I wasn't so sure. But it was undoubtedly the same feeling. This incessant chest pain accompanied at times by a much faster than normal heart rate. This anxiety. I don't know if this is how I react to any anxiety-causing situation, or only ones where I am aware that I am disliked. So far, that's the only type of anxiety I have ever reacted to. 

I was truly hoping that after I left work I would never have to deal with that feeling again. As I sit here, pressing my hand on my chest in an effort to calm it down, I am hoping I won't. But also wondering if in some weird way I bring these people onto myself. How could it be that I have experiences with similar types of people doing similar things in a relatively short time period? Surely I have done nothing to deserve this? Perhaps it's just my lack of ability to be aggressive- to take charge of a situation, to stand up for myself. Who knows. 

My chest hurts. I am going to sleep.


I am a soundtrack nerd. I am not ashamed.

Recently, I was talking about my soundtrack collection with some people - I don't remember how the conversation got started - but in this situation, as with any other time the topic comes up, it was clear that I was much more interested than anyone else present. I kept thinking of more things I wanted to bring up, but I figured they were all bored already so I let it go. One of the things I kept thinking about was this : what are my favorite soundtracks? Well, since then I've thought about it more, and since it's probably less annoying, I'm just going to blog about it instead of trying to use it as a conversation starter. 

My Favorite Soundtracks (so far) in no particular order

Original Music/Instrumental/Score Type Soundtracks
1. Pan's Labyrinth - Javier Navarrete
2. Goodbye Lenin! - Yann Tiersen
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - Klaus Badelt
4. Sherlock Holmes - Hans Zimmer
5. Jurassic Park - John Williams
6. Star Trek - Michael Giacchino
7. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Patrick Doyle
8. Up - Michael Giacchino
9. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - Howard Shore
10. The Dark Knight - Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard

Vocal/Compilation Type Soundtracks
1. Juno
2. (500) Days of Summer
3. Garden State
4. Happy Feet
5. August Rush 
6. Sex and the City (the movie)
7. Away We Go
8. Top Gun
9. Love Actually
10. Almost Famous

Musicals (Including Disney)
1. Chicago 
2. Hercules 
3. Wicked
4. My Fair Lady 
5. Les Choristes
6. Enchanted 
7. The Lion King
8. West Side Story
9. Newsies
10. Pocahontas 

And, just for fun, the soundtracks I wish I had
1. The Holiday - Hans Zimmer
2. Inception - Hans Zimmer
3. The Producers
4. Avenue Q
5. Transformers - Steve Jablonsky
6. Alice in Wonderland - Danny Elfman
7. Little Miss Sunshine - Mychael Danna and DeVotchKa
8. Something's Gotta Give
9. A Chorus Line
10. Sex and the City, Volume 2

Yes, that is really my iTunes after I typed "Soundtrack" into the search bar :)


Ideas. Terrible and good.

I've been to all my classes. I was only late to one. Seriously, that is so good for me. I am chronically late, not on purpose or anything, I just have terrible time-judging skills. Anyway, after going to all my classes for the first time, I'm pretty sure I'm going to like this semester. No science or math. No giant textbooks. No night classes. No writing intensive classes. I'm excited to be restarting French. I'm somewhat worried it'll be too easy, starting over again, but I was more worried about starting at a higher level and not knowing important things.

I forgot how crazy campus biker/pedestrian traffic is. Although I do think the return of a ramp on the Appelby side of Pleasant is definitely helpful.

I have some concerns about the availability of adequate bike parking around campus, and at my apartment, for that matter. I don't know if I can properly express how much it annoys me that the parking for the new science classroom building is on the bridge. Seriously. How is it possibly a good idea to require us to go across all the bike/pedestrian traffic to park our bikes, then cross back over to get to class?? This is a terrible idea. Especially if you do not desire getting to class about 25 minutes early (or late) to avoid the rush times or getting run into by other bikers as you attempt to walk through the traffic. Let me just say that again: TERRIBLE IDEA.

On a less rant-y note, I'm trying out for the first time. I don't know if I understand its ways yet, but so far I am loving the station I have going from A Fine Frenzy. This, dear children, was a good idea. :)


Love. Life. Friendship. Sex and the City. (Very long & random. Warning)

Watching the Sex and the City movie (again)...and I am in denial of the huge (and I mean huge) pile of dishes waiting to be done. I am in denial that class starts tomorrow. As ready as I am to have something to do, I am still not really ready to get up before 10 AM, to have homework to procrastinate on, to never be able to watch the Ellen show.

This movie. Fantastic music. Fabulous fashions. Incredible shoes. Best friends. I love it. As much as I love the friends I have, I still wish I had a bond like the girls of Sex and the City do. I don't tell anyone everything about my life. I sort of wish I did. It can get to be a bit much every now and then. I have trouble trusting people, I think. Probably due to some past "friendships" that failed. I'm wary of putting time and effort in building trust with people just in case they break it down. Someday I'll get over this, probably. In the meantime, I'll keep vaguely tweeting about my problems.

Gold Tone Sex and the City SATC style Love Keyring
I have this keychain. Like the one Carrie's assistant Louise has in the movie. (Except mine is from Old Navy). I hope that someday I'll find my love. Like Louise. Like Carrie. Like the real people who find their real love. I deserve it too. I know I do. I'm probably just not trying hard enough. Trouble is, I am very worried that I have already fallen and it's not going to go anywhere. Ever. Just like with my friendships, I am afraid of being too trusting. I didn't even build up anything with this guy. He quits talking to me for no apparent reason. It gets to me. This gets to me. How would I ever handle actual rejection? I probably couldn't, and that's the truth. That is the real reason why I have never made any effort. It just may be that extremely mild flirting is as far as I can bring myself to go. But I want so much more than that. As much as I have tried to, though, I cannot quit thinking of this one guy. It's ruining me. But I don't know what else to do. So for now, I dream of someday. Maybe if I quit trying it'll happen on its own. Maybe. It's been over a year and a half. I've got to learn this skill so many others seem to have. This skill of having a crush that means nothing serious. A crush they can get over easily. For now, though, I'll just keep waiting. We'll see what happens.


Fall. On a stick?

It feels like fall. I love it. Everything about it. The air is cool and refreshing. I broke out a sweater today. Honestly, sweaters are one of the things I am most excited about when it gets to be fall again. This weather makes me want to go on walks. Epic walks. I even have a book called "Walking Twin Cities" that has different routes to walk and what landmarks to look for. It's really cool, but I haven't done any of them yet. It'll probably get put to use more once we have homework to procrastinate on.

Classes start on Tuesday. I'm excited. I need things to do during the day or else I don't get anything done. As illogical as that sounds, that's just how it is. I have no real time commitments at this point, so not much happens. I just lay around my apartment...reading, watching House or Friends DVDs, perusing Tumblr and the other various social networking type sites I've found myself to be a member of, generating lots of dirty dishes (and washing them, of course)...but not much legitimately gets done. For example, this:

is as far as I got with my laundry today. It's sorted...but definitely still in my room. Also, my last textbook came in the mail today. I'm all ready. Let's do this.

Oh! I went to the state fair for the first time yesterday! It was epic. So many awesome things to eat. And we got totally drenched from a sudden downpour. Next year, I am definitely starting earlier in the day so I can try more crazy food on sticks.