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Love. Life. Friendship. Sex and the City. (Very long & random. Warning)

Watching the Sex and the City movie (again)...and I am in denial of the huge (and I mean huge) pile of dishes waiting to be done. I am in denial that class starts tomorrow. As ready as I am to have something to do, I am still not really ready to get up before 10 AM, to have homework to procrastinate on, to never be able to watch the Ellen show.

This movie. Fantastic music. Fabulous fashions. Incredible shoes. Best friends. I love it. As much as I love the friends I have, I still wish I had a bond like the girls of Sex and the City do. I don't tell anyone everything about my life. I sort of wish I did. It can get to be a bit much every now and then. I have trouble trusting people, I think. Probably due to some past "friendships" that failed. I'm wary of putting time and effort in building trust with people just in case they break it down. Someday I'll get over this, probably. In the meantime, I'll keep vaguely tweeting about my problems.

Gold Tone Sex and the City SATC style Love Keyring
I have this keychain. Like the one Carrie's assistant Louise has in the movie. (Except mine is from Old Navy). I hope that someday I'll find my love. Like Louise. Like Carrie. Like the real people who find their real love. I deserve it too. I know I do. I'm probably just not trying hard enough. Trouble is, I am very worried that I have already fallen and it's not going to go anywhere. Ever. Just like with my friendships, I am afraid of being too trusting. I didn't even build up anything with this guy. He quits talking to me for no apparent reason. It gets to me. This gets to me. How would I ever handle actual rejection? I probably couldn't, and that's the truth. That is the real reason why I have never made any effort. It just may be that extremely mild flirting is as far as I can bring myself to go. But I want so much more than that. As much as I have tried to, though, I cannot quit thinking of this one guy. It's ruining me. But I don't know what else to do. So for now, I dream of someday. Maybe if I quit trying it'll happen on its own. Maybe. It's been over a year and a half. I've got to learn this skill so many others seem to have. This skill of having a crush that means nothing serious. A crush they can get over easily. For now, though, I'll just keep waiting. We'll see what happens.


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